Sid, walking to kitchen, narrowly avoids stepping in pile of cat food nowhere near the cat dish: What the hell? Booger, how did you get this over…oh. You puked. Awwwww, kitty’s first vomit! Did you eat too fast?
Cat remains silent and ignores the mess he’s just made in the middle of the floor.
Sid: Really, Hairball, this is pretty gross. I wish I believed in paper towels, now. I’m not cleaning that crap up with my tea towels. Blech.
Reaches for old plastic grocery bags to wipe up the solid matter.
Ugh what the hell, when did I give you food with bones in? Leans in for a closer look.
Waitaminnit. Is that a…Q-Tip? You swallowed an ENTIRE Q-Tip, Goofus? No wonder you hurled!
Cat, staring levelly and communicating in mocking, telepathic cat voice (trust me, the expression was clear enough I could HEAR what he was thinking): Was that…four cups of glog and three hot dogs? You swallowed FOUR cups of glog and three hot dogs, Goofus? No wonder you hurled.
Sid: I KNEW you were judging me that night! But point taken. Let’s never discuss any of this again.
Cat: It’s all I ask. Now refill my dish. I seem to be hungry again.
at least he didn’t try to re-eat it, like my cats do.
You need to be doing TV writing. Sounds like an episode of Family Guy or whatever that show is with the talking dog and the scary baby. BTW, my cat likes to chew on q-tips too. Not sure how she gets them but she loves them! Buy some of that hairball malty goo if you don’t have any. Hairballs are horrible.